To Ethan, With Love

To Ethan,

In less than two days you will be snuggling into your bunkbed with your Christmas Jammies on ready for Santa to arrive and surprise you with your gifts. I am sooo excited to see your face at what Mommy & Brandon got you!!

You are such a wonderful and awesome young man, who loves everyone around him. Today you are actually sick with a fever, thanks to Mommy having been sick for the last week. Sorry about that :D .....So you are currently in your bed taking a nap that is much needed. Normally you would be asking to play Mario Kart on the Wii or to watch Dispicable Me....Your newest movie. You laugh so hard at that movie, and always say "IT'S SOOOOO FLUFFY!!!!" when the little girl does!! I laugh so hard when you do, almost wet myself today laughing at you doing that.

You tell me everyday that you want to quit school and become a super hero, well I hate to break it to ya but....You can't. I know major let down. But thats what Mommy's do. We tell you that you can't do something to make you a better person, to help you grow and become a Super Hero to your kids someday.

I have to go buddy but I love you more than all the stars in the sky.....To the moon and back...

Love you Bunchies...With Love,
Mommy

Wow....its been a...Minute or a year..lol

Today is December 22nd 2011, its been over a year since I posted on here and let me tell you...WOW its been an interesting year 1 1/2 for sure!!

Ethan is now a wonderful 5 yrs old and celebrated his birthday December 4th. I am now 23yrs old and about to spend Christmas with a wonderful man who drives me nuts! LOL! Seriously he is awesome, puts up with me and lets me eat pudding in bed and laughs at the silly things in life with me.

I work as an Addiction Recovery Technician for teens and about to leave my current employment to make life better for myself & my family. I am leaving to make my work as a photographer something special and awesome. Something that people will see my work and want something similiar...want what I can give, not what a Wal-NOTs or SEiously nots cant give them....What they cannot get from them is love, compassion, and enjoyment and passion from what I do. I couldnt imagine doing anything else with my life.

Life has been seriously crazy this last year and unfortunatly I don't have the time today to write it all out but watch out for new posts.....it will be great!!

Six Month and counting......

Its been six months, two days and a few hours since my world was tossed like wet clothes in a dryer. In that time Ive gained sooooo much and learned soo many lessons. First off, I have my Pharmacy Technician License for the state of Missouri. I have an excellent Boyfriend who, even though he wont say these words, loves everything abt me (except my forgetfulness..LOL). My baby boy is growing soo fast and is soo happy with my mom. I have plans for moving out and I am working on filing paperwork for my divorce. Oh and today I put a stop to "you know who's mail" and it felt soooo liberating to STOP him from being apart of my life. Thank you USPS for that. Just a couple more weeks and you will be looking at the "Legally Separated" Amanda R. Williams!! I cant wait to be Amanda R. Ruff again.....it will be so nice to have my name back, to not be associated with that peice of trash......

To Ethan, With Love

To Ethan,

Where did the time go? It seems like an eternity since you were born! It has been almost 3 1/2 yrs since you were born and we have both grown so much. You were so tiny weighing only 7lbs 4 oz! I wish you were still that small some times. You are such a handsome little boy, with a brilliant smile and sweet sweet spirit. I wish I could hug you right now, feel you in my arms and kiss you and let you know how much I love you!!! You are my baby boy. You will always be in my heart and soul and will never be replaced by anyone or anything. Remember that no matter what, youll always be loved and wanted!!

With Love,

Mommy

To Ethan, With Love

To Ethan,

Wow what a crazy month it has been!! I can't believe I let a month pass by without writing to you!! I miss you sooooo much every day and I wish I could hug and kiss you every single day. I know Nana is caring for you and that your growing soo fast!!!! I hope you know that when this is all over that Mommy with be with you all the time and no one will ever hurt you again the way "HE" did. I hope you can forgive me for bringing him into our family, for not noticing that you were being hurt or your Aunt Bekah. I wish I would have seen it and could have fixed everything before it happened. I am soo ashamed of what "HE"" did to you!! I hope you know that I love you more than anything in this world, that my every thought and action is because of you. Keep smiling baby boy and Ill see you soon!!!!

With Love,

Mommy

April is Child Abuse Awareness Month......

It is almost April!! Show your support against child support by posting a picture, comment or a post about child abuse!! No child deserves to be abused or neglected!! Do not let another day go by that you do NOT speak out, show support or pay attention to a Abused Child. You caring may be what saves that childs life!! I myself was abused almost my entire life my a relative. Just when I thought I knew what to look for my son, Ethan, was sexually molested by his Step- Father!! We trusted him and he hurt my son!! Make sure you know what to look for in a child who is being abused in any way!!! No child like myself or my son, deserves to live with or die from someone elses choices!!

A Mother's Song

By: Anthony W. Carter

Tying little shoe laces
Wiping off dirty faces
Are just a couple of things
That a mother will do...

Mending a broken heart
Is only just a part
Of the care and the love
That I've given you...

With a Kool-aid smile
And a sparkle in your eyes
I wrap you in my arms
And whisper this advice...

Be strong, be kind
Be patient and in time
You'll find out, my son
What true love is all about

Be faithful and be true
Show love in all you do
Then you'll know, just how
You make your mother proud

Now, little boy days have passed
And you've grown up so fast
But in my heart
That little boy will never be far...

So on this blessed day
There's so much I want to say
But above all, I thank God
For the man that you are...

With a tender smile
And a twinkle in your eyes
I wrap you in my arms
And whisper this advice...

Be strong, be kind
Be patient and in time
You'll find out, my son
What true love is all about

Be faithful and be true
Show love in all you do
Then you'll know, just how
You make your mother proud

You've made your mother so proud...