Rant, Rant and More Rant.......*sigh*

I really wanna go break some dishes on the drive way right now. I wanna punch something so hard I will feel it for days afterwards. I wanna cry myself into a puddle and let people walk thru the puddle of me to dispurse what is life of me. Today was a decent day but I have let things get to me to the point I am pissed off and physically wanting to react as well as emotionally. I have done nothing but cry for the last 45 mins and want to hurt something at the same time. I get so damn frustrated with life and how some people think everything should be handed to them when really they are just low lifes and really should evaluate themselves before looking at other peoples lives. I get so tired of also people like my 2nd ex husband who get away with SOO much and yet can live to tell the tale!! Ya know when my 2nd ex husband was arrested it was like my life had ended. I still even though I know I should forgive him would rather go beat his face in and emotionally hurt him the way he has with me and Ethan and the rest of my family. Not only did December 11th end the hurt in most ways... but also gave me freedom to be me!! I was always talked down to and treated like crap because I wasn't "Molly Mormon" for him, and I didn't cook gourmet meals, and because my son was a little hyper. For the almost 2 years we were together as a couple I was beaten with a stick about getting pregnant. That obviously I wasn't good enough. I was told to lose weight and quit eating, thats why for the first 6 months we were together I made myself puke everytime I ate. I hated being me all together. I hated the weight I carried around and he did a damn fine job of making me feel like a worthless POS because I wasn't pregnant with his child. Every month when I would start my period I was screamed at, threatened to be left and told I was worthless. Besides telling me I was dumb and made me feel so stupid, when I told him my dream of going to school to become a Pharmacy Tech. he basically told me I was only smart enough to be a house wife and that was it! Since he was arrested and my life has been changed so much, I am striving to PROVE HIM WRONG!! I am smart, I am brillant and as a matter of fact if I can make things work I wanna go to school and become a Pharmacist!! I am NOT just a dumb woman who got knocked up at 18 and can't support herself or make any decisions for herself! I am NOT WORTHLESS!!! I wanna be someone. I wanna be happy and I wanna be a person that my family and my son is proud of!!